Thursday, January 16, 2014

That Moment That Changes Everything

It has been a while since I have blogged. Honestly I sank into a depression and it has been difficult to pull out of it. Thinking about the what if's and what I could have done different has been a constant over these last few months. In one moment my life changed and while we are so happy with what God has blessed us with, I just keep replaying that moment and wondering if I could have done something different.
This picture was taken at the end of August. I remember what I was thinking when I took this picture. We had just been through an extremely stressful round of IVF. We wanted to expand our little family of three and give our son a sibling. We had just found out a couple of weeks earlier that we were PREGNANT!! I knew this time was different than my first pregnancy. While we hadn't had an ultrasound yet I just knew it was twins. I took this picture on the day I turned 5 weeks pregnant. I remember thinking about how great it would be to actually take a picture a week this pregnancy to have something to look back at and see how my precious little ones grew (hence the holding the tummy). My husband and I were over the moon excited. Little did we know what was to come. A few days later, 5 to be exact, it was just a normal day. I was feeling great. I had just gotten home from work and went to fix dinner. I had seen this pasta dish made in a pressure cooker and thought I would give it a try. I put everything into the pressure cooker and turned it on. As soon as I turned around this intense pain in my lower stomach just hit me. The pain was so intense I couldn't stand up. I went to lay down hoping it would ease up. Then the bleeding started and I knew. I knew instantly that I was losing my baby.
We went straight to the ER where we learned that we had lost one of the twins. The ultrasound showed there was still one baby in my uterus; however, it was not showing a heart beat. Our hearts sank. We were only 5 weeks 5 days at this point and the doctor said it could still be too early to pick up a heart beat on the ultrasound. We would have to wait 10 days until our next appointment at the fertility specialist to see if this baby would survive. As you can imagine it was the longest 10 days of my life.
Finally when the day arrives I am a complete mess. We have a 3 hour drive to the doctor so we have a lot of down time to sit and wonder what this appointment will hold for us. When we finally get called back to the ultrasound room we see a flicker on the screen. This flicker is the heartbeat to our sweet little survivor. One of our babies has survived and is still growing strong! We will be 27 weeks tomorrow and are ever so happy to be adding a little girl to our family. Her mommy, daddy, and big brother anxiously await her arrival and cannot wait to shower her with hugs and kisses. While I am so excited to be able to bring my daughter into this world, I still just can't seem to cope with the loss of her twin. I don't know how to cope with it. Hopefully getting back into the blogging world will help me cope. I truly enjoy blogging and I am so excited to be back. And while I am much larger than I was in this picture I look forward to sharing my maternity style and family life with you guys!
I hope everyone has an amazing day! God Bless!

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what that must be like. Also, congratulations on your little girl! I'm sure you can't wait to meet her!


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